


Theater intermission

by Midgetphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 10:51:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midgetphan/pseuds/Midgetphan
Summary: In which there’s a boyfriend in LA. Phil isn’t really fond of the color green and Dan’s cheek rose patch is focus of adoration.





	Theater intermission

Daylight beheld no meaning yet. Not without coffee pumping in his veins. A requirement that still needed a process which initiated with; boiling water, pouring it into both cups, mix with the bitter powder then sweeten according to taste and necessity. First step completed Phil rubbed his eyes going at it full intention before fingers crashed with glasses. Maybe later, after fully waking up he’d find the amusement in it but for now a simple curse was breathed muffled with a siren that resounded outside increasing in volume as it approached and decreasing as it followed it’s way. Then the water was ready giving it a green light for the process to be continued.

* * *

“You look like a Pooh furry.” Honesty fluid naturally sometimes. Too natural in fact but only when he felt at ease with the person or with Dan. Dan, whose coffee was tepid enough to drink now but who wouldn’t drink it quite yet because his tongue  _still wants to be able to taste thank you very much_. Dan who is by now used to his remarks but still acted as if it had upset him.

“Thanks mate, that’s the look I was going for.”

Phil decided to take a picture to prove his point. Dan deleted that picture and changed fur to Totoro for at least one week after that.

* * *

“I did it again.”

Phil had to bite back the honestly obvious lyrics that triggered in his mind for two reasons; one being that singing something from the nineties would make him feel old close to his thirties and second being the plump that sat next to him. More specifically the plump’s face. He didn’t need to ask before the story was unfolded to him.

“I spaced out and threw the salad in the bin.” Despair was what he encountered when Dan looked back at him. “I literally saw myself doing it and didn’t stop.” Someone would believe a murderer was confessing by the tone of it alone.

Phil didn’t say  _your brain is fine stop torturing yourself, you’re too young to have Alzheimer or one of the diseases you’ve read online Dan_  because instead a “Perhaps it was for the best. I believe the vinegar was expired.” was enough to bring him back with a startled blink.

“No it wasn’t. I bought it last week.” And he knew Dan would check the bottle just in case but he was not in a spiraling self destructive mode now.

Phil shrugged. “I was gonna order something anyway. Italian?” Dan shook his head and when was the last time the straigtheners were used anyway? “Sushi?” another shook “Mexican?” a nod. “I’m going for my laptop.” And with that he came back, if a blanket happened to also make its way back along for Dan to cover himself up it was merely a coincidence.

* * *

He put on speaker mode the moment he accepted the call. “And here I was expecting something for my chopped lips. You’ve disappointed me  _and_  them.” Dan was loud which meant his family was not nearby.

“Hey, I’ve agreed on our house to smell of petroleum and ash for you isn’t that proof enough of my present giver talent?” not far the noises of utensils were resounding and if Dan heard them too well he was used to it by now.

“How lame is it that we both bought candles for each other? _Candles_ , Phil.”

“Beyond lame. There isn’t a name for it.” Martyn shouted from the sofa in front just as Phil said “We are adults now.”

“Oh, go step on a Lego.” Dan laughed and even if he wasn’t sure for whom exactly it had been directed to, Martyn rolled his eyes at the phone.

“Mom isn’t nearby, you can swear to your heart’s delight.”

“No thank you very much, I won’t fall for that one  _again_.” Phil couldn’t blame him even if this time Martyn  _was_  being serious about it and by now Mother Lester didn’t mind the swearing that much. Not when it came from Dan anyway.  

“I don’t think I’ll ever wear that sweater for a video though. Do you think auntie will get upset if I give it to charity?” the brown fabric in his hand looked as repulsive as it had a few hours ago when he opened the present. Martyn chuckled.

“ _I_  wouldn’t allow you to wear that in any place that could be public to begin with.” He had sent the picture to Dan of course, every gift had been shared by pictures by now. “And no, you can’t keep the mug it’s mine.”

Phil whined loud enough for it to be heard “But it has Collin on it! And he looks so  _cute_.”

“I’ll tell my mom to give you one for your birthday.”

“Yeih!” They both knew Phil would use it more but still.

“A cup? Really, brother? And here we were breaking our brains to guess what should we give you thanks for the tip.”

“Just kidnap Collin and I’ll be good.”

“My mom would murder you. And me. Probably.”

“Not if she never finds us.”

“Right Phil let’s just escape to Florida with my family’s dog. Mom won’t notice it.”

“Your only reason to reject the idea is the paperwork.”

“He doesn’t want to be caged in the suitcase, trust me.”

“Put him on the phone I’ll convince him.”

“No, last time you spend twenty minutes on the phone with him.”

“Facetime me then”

There was a pause then. “Later. But only if you model the sweater for me.”

“That’s just mean Dan.”

“I can’t handle you both without something in my stomach.” Martyn interrupted walking off to the kitchen where infinite treats were waiting. Phil would take some home to see how much they last, see if they could make it to January. Doubtable.

“Brown doesn’t suit me.”

“Yeah but I want to see how it looks on you so maybe I can wear it instead.”

“Keep telling yourself that, you just want me to be shirtless for you on camera you walking kink.” Dan’s muffled laugh was brusquely interrupted by who Phil recognized as his mother’s voice asking for something. “Put me on speaker I want to say hi to your mom.”

“Yeah, yeah. Mom, Phil wants to say hi.”

* * *

The clock was ticking. Ticking and his mind was comfortably fussed with liquor when it hit midnight and there were hugs everywhere and a cute dog with it’s tail indicating it’s enthusiasm and a beautiful kid grown up now hugging Dan. Phil didn’t believe he could be smiling more. It had been a good idea coming here for New Year’s Eve.

Not far the sky was illuminated and brought to life with pyrotechnic but it was cozy inside and his friend was hugging his wife and kid. A family that had adopted them both and without noting they had become uncle Dan and uncle Phil of a beautiful child. 

Then Dan, big brown sparkling eyes as he was after playing with Emily, was tugging at his shirt and asking with his eyes because he had also at least one cup on his system along rush of a New Year beginning. They’d have to tweet soon, to share the celebration with the people who, from the outside, had given them so much and not even a minute past midnight had gone (or had it?) and his lips were sealed with Dan’s. Dedicatedly, just a simple brush that tasted of champagne and  _happy new year_ s and the promise of  _I love living with you_ and it wasn’t enough when Dan tried to chase for more, eyes closed but Phil kissed his forehead instead. Perhaps lingering for longer than respectable when Dan, blushing so, laughed and laughed and not even the fireworks resonated louder in his ears.

* * *

“You’re never going to burn that candle are you?” Bryony asked, already knowing the answer as she eyed his white deer proudly standing on the coffee table.

“I wouldn’t want to, it would be grotesque to kill the deer that way, to see it melting and screeching in pain.”  

“It’s not sentient Phil.” Dan remarked from the other side of the room for the ninth time since Christmas.

“Or you could film it while it burns.” She offered and yes, it would be a great lessamazingphil video. Hauntingly beautiful with the correct score.

“The sequel of tape 6 that everyone wants.” They both looked back at Dan smirking “A collaboration with 2009 Phil?.”

Phil smiled. “Maybe. Let me enjoy it being alive for a while longer. It could wait for Halloween.”

“And  _why_  are you getting rid of this again? It’s beautiful.” Bryony inquired captivated by the greenish shirt (Phil said it was grey with touches of green but Dan disagreed to the point of asking Martyn for color palettes) “And it’s quite new it seems.”

“Never wore it so yeah.” Dan shrugged “I figured since Derek and I broke up I wouldn’t have to act as if I like it anymore.”

Only few announcements evoked total silence between people that spend high percentage of their lives on the internet. Phil would have seen the manifested irony in it had it not been for his own astonishment but their friend beat him to ask.

“You broke up with Derek? When? Why? Are you okay?” she was already lifting her arms for a hug and Phil didn’t seem to find the ability to move as his mind projected images of the past days looking for a single clue that’d have let him be aware of it.

“Like two days ago. We both agreed it wasn’t going to work you know, long distance and all so it was a short time coming thing and yeah I’m fine.”

“Did  _you_ know about this?” Bryony turned her attention to Phil then, a little upset she hadn’t been informed sooner but then again Phil had not known either and it came to his mind that perhaps by now Derek had unfriended him on facebook and that would be okay because Derek was a good person and he had been good to Dan but now Phil had no real intention on being politely chatty with this person anymore.

“I didn’t.” maybe he was furrowing his eyebrows and maybe their female friend was also surprised by it but he wasn’t upset. Not really. He was concerned because by every Dan Howell’s face and attitude definition (an encyclopedia still in progress and owned solely by Phil), he was  _fine_.

“It was not a big deal and I’m fine but I was going to tell you soon.” Dan met his eyes with exasperation as if saying  _it’s nothing, not important Phil_.

“You dated for how long?” Phil already knew the answer but he heard Dan saying it anyway.

“Like a year? I mean if you count it as dating we saw each other like 3 times during that time honestly.”

“Still a year  _is_  something. Are you sure you don’t want a bucket of ice cream and pizza and cry over Love actually?”

“That sounds disgustingly close to my average Friday night but truly I am fine.”

“Breakups are hard Dan no matter what.”

“I  _know_ , but this doesn’t feel like a breakup somehow? I don’t know I guess “he exchanged a knowing look with Phil “I know how a heartbreak feels like and this one doesn’t resemble  _that_ amount of pain so maybe I’m immune now? I don’t know.” His nose crunched creating million wrinkles on it.

Phil was sure the heat in his skin could be visible if Bryony were to be looking at him, which she wasn’t, but Dan had noted for sure during that eye contact before deviating back to the TV.

“If that’s how you see it then fine.” She folded the shirt and Phil realized then that was a piece of fabric he wouldn’t see ever again, and how hideous the color really was under the artificial light of their lounge “I’ll take this with me and we’ll move on alright?”

“Thanks.” A fond smile was given her way by the pair of brown eyes that were still just  _fine_  and Phil stood up almost as in cue, taking his plate and muttering something about hydratation before exiting the room as fast as he could.

Dan was fine, of course he was. That was all that mattered. _That’s what matters_  he kept repeating like a mantra while pouring the ribena on the glass, alerted of the steps behind him. Phil didn’t turn to meet him but already the second glass was being filled.

“I was going to tell you. I would have if it have been bad you know.” He was being cautious, as if Phil was the one who just broke up with his boyfriend. As if  _Phil_  had been the one to go through another breakup, and Phil didn’t want to remember that, to compare what of him might have been folded and taken away for Dan to move on but brains are soulless and spare no mercy sometimes.

And perhaps he recalled his university hoodie that had been seen in the washing machine but never quite returned to his room.

He didn’t say  _You hurt me too back then, You’re not the only one who’s immune now._  Because half of it was a lie and saying things give a green light for sentiments to emerge. They stay quiet and untouched when you repress them long enough, Phil would know. 

Instead he catches his reflection on the toaster to check his tone is far from rose and says “That shirt looked awful on you anyway.” He turns his head fast enough to catch Dan shaking his head with laughter as he leaves.

* * *

And as days go by Dan is, by every definition,  _fine_.

As expected a flash verify of his personal account confirms that Derek had decided to cut the connection with him too. A normal thing to do given the only person they shared in common was not mutual anymore. A glimpse of sympathy flashed for a moment with the urge to contact and comfort that person for the simple fact of empathy. A message to let him know now they shared losing the same person now and that was okay. Friendships could be saved with effort if desired.

Then a crashing sound made him go to Dan’s room only to find the terrarium, or what remained of it, in pieces on the carpet right in front of the alien shaped vintage mirror. There was barely anything worth of recovery without counting the hours spend on it. Dan was looking at it astonished, bulged eyes and all perfect definition of being surprised, before meeting his eyes and (Phil was lost of words right then not even puns came to mind) just like that fell into hysterical laughter for so long his ribs started to hurt.

No message was send after that and Derek was labeled as another person once known because Phil felt no empathy anymore. Not with exasperated fond eyes urging him to be careful while picking up the pieces of glass from the floor because  _Phil I can clean up this mess what are we going to do if we both end up with bleeding hands? Think of the videos we still have to edit._

* * *

Lateral thinking is solving problems through an indirect and creative approach, using reasoning that is not immediately obvious and involving ideas that may not be obtainable by using only traditional step-by-step logic. It also meant sometimes thoughts would connect indifferently of the situation and even if for a creative point of view it benefits him, it wasn’t a good combination when walking down the street.

Because of the irony, Phil thought, of how cars would see a red light and stop but it was the call out for people to walk. It was all a matter of perspective and suddenly the green titillating person that urged him to move was mocking him for not being fast enough before it turned to a red person and the cars, seeing their own green light had the go to. Phil just wanted to go home and the immobile red person irritated him.

* * *

He thought something was off when lunch was eaten alone and no complaints were made when he “accidentally” slammed pans down the sink. 

He  _knew_  something was not okay at nine. A whole day had flashed by and he found himself in front of the only door that had been closed since he woke up. He opened it though, because locks were not a thing used apart from their front door. Not since the Manchester incident of 2012.

“Dan.” The curtains had not been touched and Phil regretted not wearing his contact lenses. It was always annoying to adjust his sight to darkness with his glasses (maybe they not being too clean enhanced the problem but he had made a mental note already to solve that in the future).

“Phil?” his voice was hoarse and acute. The light from the corridor reflected the plump moving an inch to the side as an invitation to be joined under the bed sheets. Phil got accustomed enough to define facial features once his head rested on the second pillow that was not occupied. Glasses being slightly pressed up to the right of his nose, so close now his hand barely had to be lifted in order to accommodate a rebellious brunette curl back with the rest.

“Piggy tail indeed.” Dan laughed softly lifting his knees to a fetus position, pressing to the body next to him.

“Stop insulting my hair Lester. I’ll unleash my curls defense squad on you.”

“You can’t turn a squad against their leader Dan.”

“Shut your mouth.” If eye rolls could be  _heard_  Phil was certain this was an example of it. “This is not an existential crisis by the way.”

“I know Dan.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”

“I just… read that Derek had been pretty bad since the breakup you now? All Nickelback and everything.”

“You can go there if you want. Be with him, talk things out. I’ll book the ticket if you…” the sentence was almost unfinished when Dan shook his head with exasperation.

“No! Jesus you don’t understand. Look I don’t want to go back with him, I just” he sighed loudly “Phil you’ve  _ruined_  me.”

“What?” Hands immediately reached to hold fist of his shirt when Phil started to retract as if attacked. An actual accurate description of how he felt.

“Just listen to me.” He must’ve perceived something in Phil’s eyes that strengthened the grip and plea in his tone “Please.” Proceeding only after a nod of approval. “You know me better than anyone else, did you ever during this days saw me affected by it? No, because I wasn’t. Because what I told Bryony was true. I felt nothing, not even a glimpse of sadness or numbness and yet Derek has been probably crying all this days or loathing me or something.”

“Dan, you,” Phil rubbed his eyes under the glasses with a loud sigh. Repressing feelings was common territory for him. “You can’t feel bad about that alright? We all react to this kind of things differently and you, you do feel. You always feel so much you cry with pretty much any movie, so don’t feel like a monster or something like… “

“I did.” He interrupted again. “For a few hours today I believed that I had actually become a freaking robot. Then you were so loud in the kitchen that I thought you were starting a band with the utensils and” another pause to fill with air his lungs and Phil knew he was about to talk fast as he does in certain situations, when his brain has been overworked and needed to unleash before exploding “when  _we_  broke up I felt. Shit Phil, I thought I was gonna die.”

“Don’t” the tiny man of the traffic light threatening to turn green and Dan kept talking because he was always talking and he needed to talk but Phil wasn’t quite sure he wanted to listen to it all.

“I couldn’t  _breathe_  Phil.”

“Fuck, I  _know_  Dan. Do you think you were the only one that” glasses were disposed to the bedside table. “You can’t act as if only you had a heart broken when we” he sit down, back and head resting on the headboard, Dan imitating his position only looking at him. “It was hard for the both of us, but it doesn’t have to be like that every time. Each relationship is different so stop…“

“Don’t lecture me on that. I only want “ he passed his hands through his hair messing it up more sounding as exasperated as Phil felt. Breakups,  _their_  breakup was not the kind of subject that could be brought up during dinner. It was a beating reminisce behind every intoxicated brush of skin and lips that the morning after things would go ack to normal.

“What Dan, what do you want?”

“I just” body turned to be right in front of him then Dan pulled him closer by the shirt and Phil almost couldn’t see because his eyes were a fail but Dan’s features were familiar enough to recognize even without his glasses. Familiar enough to tilt his head in the correct position for their lips to be nearly touching. “I couldn’t  _breathe_  Phil.”

“Now?” he had to stop to swallow embarrassingly loud “Can you breath now Dan?” hands gripping waist, pulling Dan closer, keeping him there because natural was simple and dangerous and things needed to be cleared out because somehow their lives had blended into their life somewhere along time. A life with blurred lines that waved between a definite.

“With you. Fuck Phil, you’ve literally ruined me to anyone else haven’t you?” A smile decorated his face and Phil kissed the rose stain that completed the work of art that was Dan Howell. All excruciatingly confusing and emotional and unfair and intoxicated with loud thoughts.    

“Stop saying that, you make me feel…” one smooth maneuver and Dan was straddling him now “Dammit Dan, you can’t tell me that and expect me not to feel like shit about it. You know I’d do anything… I  _have_  done anything…”

“You’re not. Shit I mean, you’re not shit.” Dan backed away just enough for his smirk to be glimpsed. “Maybe sometimes but not in this. Look what I mean is, no Dereks in the world are going to break my heart because it has been secured away by you already. For years. It literally can’t be reached by outsiders.”

“You had to make it sound so macabre didn’t you?”

“I was trying to be fucking romantic.”

“Dan” Phil groaned, hand reaching to get his glasses and put them on before turning the bear lamp on. With a better visibility now of the mess of a man sitting on his thighs. “That’s not romantic. You’re saying we’ve been purposely miserable for years for nothing and…”

“We were on an  _interlude_  of our “ then hands were holding his face for Phil to meet his lips with a steady pace that left him with erratic palpitations when they moved to kiss his jaw.

“Stop interrupting me already.”  

“Yeah.”

Mouths separated, Phil was prepared to shut him with his palm if it was necessary but for now Dan seemed attentive enough. “What I understand from all of this is you want the interlude to be over, to stop with the platonic thing is that what you want Dan?”

“Yes.”

“If this is just to get inside my pants then you only had to ask…” a hit on his arm while he chuckled with a  _shut up_  then Dan was kissing him and Phil felt an immense empathy towards his plants because if this was how they felt when finally getting water after so long then he should be locked up for cruelty.

“Not that the conversation was not interesting but” hips were rolled obscenely against his own making Phil gasp “can we pause it for, let’s say an hour or two?”

“I thought we were beyond pausing things now.” Even as he said it, Phil rolled them over and Dan’s curls were already a mess but his hand itched to grab a fistful and the eyes staring at him were golden and unfocused and beside the pink tone of his skin that rose patch was a focus seeker he gladly kissed. And it was terrifying. “Let’s sleep.  _You_ need sleep.”

He doesn’t say  _I need to think. We need to talk._  But Dan understands, maybe afraid as well and is nodding and already pulling the mattress for them to be tucked in.

“Stay with me tonight?”

“Don’t punch me in the face.” 

Dan sighs deeply, arms and legs wrapping themselves on Phil “That literally happened  _once_.” 

Glasses already gone, lights off and with a promising morning awaiting slumber was reaching on when a loud, grumbling noise interrupted from the younger’s tummy. 

“So, maybe I forgot to eat all day.” Phil was already up muttering an  _I hate you_  before putting on his glasses ready to go to the kitchen. And maybe he prepared an extra sandwich for himself and had to go twice to the kitchen in order to bring along the drinks. And maybe Dan had switched rooms completely disorienting Phil for a minute or two until he finds him under hiw brighter sheets, because  _You know I can’t sleep on demand so let’s watch a movie meanwhile_. 

And it was okay because even if daylight was annoying sometimes, waking up next to a Dan curled up next to him was something Phil had missed, dare he say it, more than coffee.


End file.
